There are two phrases I
consider my little life mottos-- phrases I can always come running back to for comfort:
"Better safe
than sorry."
&
"Stop worrying about things you can't control."
&
"Stop worrying about things you can't control."
I don't always
remember to tell myself these things but when I do, boy do I come back down to
earth. Goes to show just how much I had floated up...
I had my purse stolen
a few weeks ago.
Mark and I had a super relaxing and hot day tanning at the
beach-- came back to a car with a broken window and stolen purse. Serious bummer. I always get
this huge nagging guilt when I let myself down. It's different than disappointing
someone I care about-- it's the most depressing feeling knowing I made a
mistake that affected me so greatly-- let myself down. It's all been resolved
now, but going through the process that day and the few after was just gloomy.
Every time the police called with updates I'd just sink in them feels again. I
don't know why but I just had trouble coming to terms with the fact that there
are such scumbags out there that could do such a thing, but I finally did and
it was a well learned lesson. Not only that, I also felt paranoid and responsible
for the whole situation; leaving a purse in a car, pshh, and Mark's destroyed
window.
[phone camera warning]
It's funny, because you'd think I would've learned when just a few weeks before I made the mistake of leaving my purse by a bonfire with drunk friends. They then left our site unattended to go skinnydip or something or other and we had our stuff ransacked-- things thrown all over the sand and into the fire; my purse gone (a different one, just to clarify) but all the contents intact. It was a creepy walk from the beach to the pier, but we were determined to look at some barking seals in the middle of the night.
It doesn't matter how
much I remind myself of my little mottos, I cannot push myself out of that
feeling-sorry-for-yourself funk. All I do is wait it out. Then I see how
ridiculous it is to waste time sulking by just waiting for time to pass. It's
like telling yourself "don't think about elephants." And then there
you are. Can't be just time that heals things, it helps, but ultimately you
have to kick your own butt up. That and Mark is the most supportive man I could
ask for. Just going to take a sec to thank you because you're just too wonderful you damn sweet tiger you, thank you.
Anyway, I exaggerate.
It finally clicked when I realized these were just materials. I just saw this
photo on Reddit, titled "life is good" that initiated that click. I have two good legs and a nicely beating heart. Suddenly I was plenty grateful for that. I'm doing well and few
physical possessions don't define or change me. I'm going to subtly try to
wedge in a new life motto-- always be ready to part with physical possessions.
A phone, wallet, car; none of that is life defining and I want to always be
okay with or without any of those things as long as I've love and health.
[/cheesefest]
Bringing in herbs to every corner of the house. We have a mint invasion all over our backyard. Our tomatoes are growing! I woke up one gloomy morning, weather wise and mentally, and stepped out for fresh air only to find these little guys up and lively. Made my day. The power of gardening; no better therapy.
Besides such a
hiccup, summer has been so sweet and mellow. This year so far has been plenty bright and new to me. I haven't been
trying to but I've changed a whole lot just this year, specifically with food--
I've learned to respect and know what I eat which has made a tremendous change
in how I feel day-to-day. It's crazy amazing what changes your body can
experience from just watching what you eat-- imagine that. A big deal for a person like moi who eats entire bags of hot cheetos with lime and Nutella-loaded crepes. Mark's also opened me up to try different foods [because contrary to the previous sentence, I can't handle spicy foods. No joke]. I'm a brat when it
comes to eating and I kind of admit it. Slowly but surely I'm making progress.
Mostly I'm just proud of myself because I didn't make any resolutions at the beginning of the year nor am I pushing myself to make changes either; it's just coming around naturally and I'm kind of embracing it. I've always said, I'm a creature of habit so... big deal for Terri.
Mark had his first
4th of July off in years! He got himself an awesome internship this summer,
soups proud of his hard work.
We attempted to watch the fireworks from the roof... but my prissy-butt wasn't having it. I was so scared, I was practically in tears. Seriously, I'm a land mammal. Got no business climbing or swimming in anything [though I do wish I could learn]. I just lack the guts for these things.
We attempted to watch the fireworks from the roof... but my prissy-butt wasn't having it. I was so scared, I was practically in tears. Seriously, I'm a land mammal. Got no business climbing or swimming in anything [though I do wish I could learn]. I just lack the guts for these things.
Welp. Here comes August and
I'm hoping my weird seasonal-clock doesn't kick in. Normally August throws me
into a Fall kind of mood and summer is over for me. But it isn't yet! Summer
officially ends... sometimes in August, I think. But these cloudy Californian
central coast mornings definitely don't help. I'm hoping the weather warms up
again before I break out the Autumn inspirations. Plenty of swimming and
tanning left to do.
Anyway, life's good.
Anyway, life's good.